Allie (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} hpspoof) wrote,@ 2005-02-13 23:01:00 |
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Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban SPOOF
Note: Spoof is based on a Movie based on J.K. Rowlings fabulous book (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) Please understand that I am a Harry Potter Fanatic and I absolutely loved this film, so this is all in good fun...Enjoy and let me know what you think!
Harry: Twiddle lee Dee, playing with my wand.
Uncle Vernon: I knew I should have installed surveillance cameras…
Marge: Your mama was a female dog and your father was an unemployed drunken loser!!!
Harry: Was not!
Marge: Was too!
Harry: Was not!
Marge: Was- um…I seem to be inflating…
Harry: I’m out.
Scary Dog: I’m actually an accused murderer that has just escaped from Azkaban, oh I was also your dad’s best friend growing up and now I’m your godfather.
Alfonso: NO NO! Wrong scene!
Scary Dog: Oh! Sorry, I meant- Woof!
Harry: um….
Harry: A purple bus…WOOT!...Who is this Charles Manson look-a-like yelling at me in black and white?!
Stan: Murderer blah blah….Sirius Blah Black blah. You-Know-Who, reckon you’ve heard of him?
Harry: Psht chya. We go waaay back.
Hanging Jamaican Head: *Annoying, useless dialogue that adds nothing to the depth of the story*
HP Fans: WTF is that?
Fudge: Yeah so don’t worry about the whole blowing up your aunt thing…But if you ever try to destabilize my job by saying that You-Know-Who has returned…you might not get off so easy.
Harry: What if dementors attack me and I have to defend myself?
Fudge: ….No comment….
Ron/Hermione: BickerCatBanterRatBickerCatBanterRat
Harry: HEY GUYS!
Ron: I totally went to Egypt.
Harry: No way.
Ron: Way. Too bad this part of the story never plays out in the rest of the movie…
Mr. Weasley: He’s escaped, he wants to kill you, and you’d better not try to kill him first no matter what anyone says to provoke you.
Harry: Why not?
Mr. Weasley: Shh! don’t interrupt me when I’m adding internal conflict to the story.
Harry: Oh sorry…
Mrs. Weasley: Ron! If you had forgotten Peter- Ehum- Scabbers who knows what would have happened to the plot line!!!
Ron: *Switch to SqueakyVoice/ PainedExpression MODE*
Dementor: Um…Is Sirius Black here?
Lupin: No.
Dementor: Well if you see him, can you let him know that he owes me his soul?
Lupin: Will do.
Harry: Whoa my face is getting blurry.
Lupin: Take that you friggin’ Demon of eternal sorrow!
HP fans: Since when do you not have to say the incantation to produce a patronus? Even Dumbledore aint’ that good!
Lupin: have some Chocolate…
Audience: I have a feeling this is the start of annoying repetition...
Groovy Dumbledore: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds…
Kids: Huh?
Groovy Dumbledore: Oops I mean- Welcome to Hogwarts! Dementors suck man, they are always trying to bring us down man! But we need to stay high in the sky and celebrate life man!
Fat Lady: *Screech*
Fans: …her dress STILL isn’t pink!
Harry: K…Since when is a train an animal? Wait- Since when has there ever been candy that makes you act like an animal in the first place?
JKR: Um…don’t look at me.
Trelawny: You haven’t happened to see a hulking black dog, have you?
Harry: Actually…yeah kina...
Trelawny: Sucks for you.
Hermione: What mysterious entrance?
Hagrid: Aint ‘e cute?
Class: No. Not Really.
Harry: Hey he’s not so bad.
Class: Yeah. He really is.
Harry: I’m king of the castle!!!
Malfoy: Hey! I want to be king!
Buckbeak: Do you have ferrets?
Malfoy: I’m DYING!!!
Hagrid: Uttoh…
Buckbeak: Ok…What do you have to do around here to get some ferrets?
Seamus: He’s been sighted! Doyathinkthey’llcatchhim?!?!?!
Random Kid: It’s like trying to catch smoke…It’s like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.
HP fans: Who the hell is this guy? He isn’t in the books!!! How did he get so many flipping lines?!
Random kid: My dad and Alfonso are drinking buddies.
HP fans: I see how it is.
Lupin: K so are we all clear that a Bogart is the frickin scariest thing on the face of this earth?
Class: ...
Lupin: Awesome, who’s first?
Ron: Roller blades….I am SUCH a genius.
Harry: I feel singled out. Not to mention lame.
McGonagall: No…No…and…No.
Harry: Pleeassse!
McGonagall: um….No.
Lupin: You have your mothers-
Harry: Eyes?
Lupin: Yeah those.
Harry: K, you’re like the 80th person to say that. I’m starting to suspect that it’s going to be important in the story.
JKR: Not as stupid as you look are ya Harry?
Snape: A werewolf transforms during the full moon- oh my gosh- its full moon right now and Lupin is mysteriously absent- form your own conclusions.
Hermione: Again…I was here the whole time.
Snape: You are so annoyingly right about everything….100 points from Gryffindor!
Umbrella: Don’t I have a warranty?
Dementors: Haha suckers were back!!!
Harry: I’ve always wanted to try skydiving…
Ron: Dude, remember that tree that nearly squashed us to death? Well it has it out for your broom.
Harry: I’m so sick of hearing my mother die! Please teach me to kill the dementors!
Lupin: Whatever gives me another excuse to bust out more chocolate is fine by me!
Fat Lady: Thank god for this hippo or I could have died!…Wait…I’m a painting…I..was...never…alive…
Groovy Dumbledore: Mass murderer escaped in the castle??? What a PERFECT excuse for a slumber party!!!
Snape: Lupin is totally helping Black into the castle.
Groovy Dumbledore: You are such a downer Severus! Lighten up alittle!
Fred/George: It would have been pretty helpful to have this map back around chamber of secret days huh?
Harry: Sure, we could use this map to do good for Hogwarts and save the wizarding world…or we could go to honeydukes and party hardy.
Malfoy: I will now belittle you both by insulting your heritage.
Harry: You suck! And I throw disembodied snowballs at people who suck!
Malfoy: Screw acting superior, I’m outta here!
Harry: Invisibility….you gotta love it…It even allows me to listen in on important conversations where foreshadowing information is divulged.
Rosmerta: So tell me again why the potters are dead?
Fudge: Sirius Sirius Sirius.
Rosmerta: Okay. Got it.
Harry: Raise your hand if you feel betrayed and alone. *Raises hand*
Lupin: This is the most difficult magic EVER. So naturally I’ll expect you to get it pretty quickly.
Harry: Righto!
Lupin: This patronus thing could really take you places in the future…
Hagrid: Buckbeak is getting the knife…
Ron: So did scabbers...
Crookshanks: Don’t look at me foo’…
Map: *Flashing* PETER PETIGREW (FORMALLY PERCIEVED DEAD) IS ALIVE AND THRIVING IN THIS CASTLE UNDER A CLEVER DISGUISE!
Harry: I have the weirdest feeling I should check this out.
Snape: Your map insulted me and now I’m going to subtly hint at your secret! Nice scratches moony!
Lupin: Um…what scratches?...Who’s Moony?...
Harry: That map is totally wacked!
Lupin: The map is never wacked…this is so ominous...I almost can’t take it.
Trelawney: You are so mundane!
Hermione: Thank You! *Storms out*
Trelawney: I have a knack for surprising the hell out of people.
Harry: I’ll say. *backs away*
Hermione: BAM! Welcome to Hogwarts bitch!
Malfoy: I knew I should have taken tykwondo…
Hagrid: I’m so nice and lovable…why does so much shit happen to me?
Harry: seriously…
Hagrid: That reminds me! I found scabbers...
(Future) Harry: WORMTAIL! TRAITOR!!!
(Future) Hermione: Shhhhh!
Ron: WOW! Thanks a bunch!!!
Rock: WEEEE! *Flies through air*
Harry: OWWEEE!
Hermione: Im sooooooo sad! But on the plus side…I get to cry into Ron’s shoulder…ain’t it fun being the only girl?
Ron: Maybe scabbers was better off eaten…
Scary Dog: I’m back and I’m worse then ever!
Harry: Hey it’s my death omen! How’ve you been?
Hermione: This damn tree ruins everything!
Harry: What would a Harry Potter Movie be if I didn’t loose my glasses and have my vision briefly obscured?
Harry: *Clunk*
Hermione: *Clunk* (On top of Harry)
Hermione: Where do you suppose this goes?
Harry/Hermione Shippers: We know exactly where it goes.
Ron/Hermione Shippers: she’s talking about the hallway. DUH!
Harry: The protagonist in me will now lead us to the climax…
Sirius: If I just stopped thinking about that stupid rat and told everyone the truth it would save a lot of upcoming conflict. Too bad I hold grudges eh?
Lupin: I always liked you…honestly…I never thought you were a killer…
Hermione: He’s a werewolf!
Sirius: YA? Well I’m a dog and He’s a rat so lady-frickin-da.
Snape: I’m here to delay the truth and continue to frustrate the audience.
Harry: Not if I can help it…
Pettigrew: Uh...Um...I'm late for a manicure appointment!
Harry: Don’t kill him! I have a feeling he may save my life one day!
Sirius/Lupin: Whatevs…
Sirius: Wana live with me?
Harry: ARE YOU KIDDING? Come live in your smelly apartment and leave the pristinely trimmed lawn of privet drive?! When can I move my stuff in?
Lupin: *Heavy Breathing* *Heart Beating*
Ron: Yeah dude, I suffer from Asthma too, wana borrow my inhaler?
Lupin: *Transform Transform*
Ron: uh…never mind.
Dementor: I still want that soul Deadbeat!
Sirius: I can’t take this trauma, time for me to pass out.
Harry: You had better wake up! No way hozay am I going back to the Dursley’s now that I know I can live in your hell hole.
Dementor: Pucker Up!
People who haven’t read the book: Ah! Oh my gosh Sirius is gona loose his soul to those demented things!
HP fans: Calm down. He dies later…
Patronus: I’m so glad the producers caved on my back-up chorus idea, it makes me seem so much cooler! Take my silvery force field!
Dementor: You know what? I’m not even in the mood for soul…let’s bail.
Harry: *Flashback*- Sirius, Petigrew, Dementors, Patronus….DAD?!?!
Groovy Dumbledore: I don’t know why, but I believe you little moppet heads and I think you should manipulate time and save your godfathers ass. OH- we didn’t have this convo. *Wink Wink*
Ron/Harry: WTF?
Hermione: I-know-something-you-don’t-know…But that’s usually the case, isn’t it?
Hermione: Time blah Travel blah Classes blah can’t blah be blah Seen….blah.
Harry: Got it…not really….
Buckbeak: All I ever wanted was a ferret…and what do I get? An axe the size of Hagrid’s frickin’ pumpkins…someone help my pathetic existence.
Harry: See I knew you were just a softy.
Hermione: Here we come…for some reason I am interested in the appearance of my hair…how out of character of me…
Past Hermione: I thought I just saw myself. Should I investigate?
Past Harry: Not unless you want to destroy our lives, not to mention the entire series of Harry Potter books.
Past Hermione: Oh. Nevermind.
Buckbeak: Bats are the new ferrets.
Harry: I totally saw my dad!
Hermione: Have you been puffing the magic dragon? YOUR DAD IS DEAD.
Harry: Downermumbleknowitallmumble….
Past Sirius: Living this once was bad enough…
Past Harry: You’re telling me…
Harry: Um…Dad?...NOW would be a good time…........shit…
Harry: EXPECTO-SAVE-THE-DAY-PATRONUM!
Hermione/Sirius/Buckbeak: Yay! You’re our Hero Harry!
Harry: So what else is new?
Groovy Dumbledore: Either I'm really good at being mysterious, OR I'm wasted and I really CAN'T remember the entire plan that I just plotted.
Lupin: *Waits till no ones looking* *Tiptoes out front door with suitcase* *Runs For life*
Harry: I like brooms.
Ron: That’s good because Sirius only sent you the fastest awesomest one there is!
Harry: What a bizarre ending...I mean I barely got to ponder that whole "Dark lord returning" thing And there is still that unexplainable Stag-Shaped Patronus...And how in the hell did Lupin and Sirius both know about the map? Oh well...At least my face is blurry again. WHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Note: Spoof is based on a Movie based on J.K. Rowlings fabulous book (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) Please understand that I am a Harry Potter Fanatic and I absolutely loved this film, so this is all in good fun...Enjoy and let me know what you think!
Harry: Twiddle lee Dee, playing with my wand.
Uncle Vernon: I knew I should have installed surveillance cameras…
Marge: Your mama was a female dog and your father was an unemployed drunken loser!!!
Harry: Was not!
Marge: Was too!
Harry: Was not!
Marge: Was- um…I seem to be inflating…
Harry: I’m out.
Scary Dog: I’m actually an accused murderer that has just escaped from Azkaban, oh I was also your dad’s best friend growing up and now I’m your godfather.
Alfonso: NO NO! Wrong scene!
Scary Dog: Oh! Sorry, I meant- Woof!
Harry: um….
Harry: A purple bus…WOOT!...Who is this Charles Manson look-a-like yelling at me in black and white?!
Stan: Murderer blah blah….Sirius Blah Black blah. You-Know-Who, reckon you’ve heard of him?
Harry: Psht chya. We go waaay back.
Hanging Jamaican Head: *Annoying, useless dialogue that adds nothing to the depth of the story*
HP Fans: WTF is that?
Fudge: Yeah so don’t worry about the whole blowing up your aunt thing…But if you ever try to destabilize my job by saying that You-Know-Who has returned…you might not get off so easy.
Harry: What if dementors attack me and I have to defend myself?
Fudge: ….No comment….
Ron/Hermione: BickerCatBanterRatBickerCatBanterRat
Harry: HEY GUYS!
Ron: I totally went to Egypt.
Harry: No way.
Ron: Way. Too bad this part of the story never plays out in the rest of the movie…
Mr. Weasley: He’s escaped, he wants to kill you, and you’d better not try to kill him first no matter what anyone says to provoke you.
Harry: Why not?
Mr. Weasley: Shh! don’t interrupt me when I’m adding internal conflict to the story.
Harry: Oh sorry…
Mrs. Weasley: Ron! If you had forgotten Peter- Ehum- Scabbers who knows what would have happened to the plot line!!!
Ron: *Switch to SqueakyVoice/ PainedExpression MODE*
Dementor: Um…Is Sirius Black here?
Lupin: No.
Dementor: Well if you see him, can you let him know that he owes me his soul?
Lupin: Will do.
Harry: Whoa my face is getting blurry.
Lupin: Take that you friggin’ Demon of eternal sorrow!
HP fans: Since when do you not have to say the incantation to produce a patronus? Even Dumbledore aint’ that good!
Lupin: have some Chocolate…
Audience: I have a feeling this is the start of annoying repetition...
Groovy Dumbledore: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds…
Kids: Huh?
Groovy Dumbledore: Oops I mean- Welcome to Hogwarts! Dementors suck man, they are always trying to bring us down man! But we need to stay high in the sky and celebrate life man!
Fat Lady: *Screech*
Fans: …her dress STILL isn’t pink!
Harry: K…Since when is a train an animal? Wait- Since when has there ever been candy that makes you act like an animal in the first place?
JKR: Um…don’t look at me.
Trelawny: You haven’t happened to see a hulking black dog, have you?
Harry: Actually…yeah kina...
Trelawny: Sucks for you.
Hermione: What mysterious entrance?
Hagrid: Aint ‘e cute?
Class: No. Not Really.
Harry: Hey he’s not so bad.
Class: Yeah. He really is.
Harry: I’m king of the castle!!!
Malfoy: Hey! I want to be king!
Buckbeak: Do you have ferrets?
Malfoy: I’m DYING!!!
Hagrid: Uttoh…
Buckbeak: Ok…What do you have to do around here to get some ferrets?
Seamus: He’s been sighted! Doyathinkthey’llcatchhim?!?!?!
Random Kid: It’s like trying to catch smoke…It’s like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.
HP fans: Who the hell is this guy? He isn’t in the books!!! How did he get so many flipping lines?!
Random kid: My dad and Alfonso are drinking buddies.
HP fans: I see how it is.
Lupin: K so are we all clear that a Bogart is the frickin scariest thing on the face of this earth?
Class: ...
Lupin: Awesome, who’s first?
Ron: Roller blades….I am SUCH a genius.
Harry: I feel singled out. Not to mention lame.
McGonagall: No…No…and…No.
Harry: Pleeassse!
McGonagall: um….No.
Lupin: You have your mothers-
Harry: Eyes?
Lupin: Yeah those.
Harry: K, you’re like the 80th person to say that. I’m starting to suspect that it’s going to be important in the story.
JKR: Not as stupid as you look are ya Harry?
Snape: A werewolf transforms during the full moon- oh my gosh- its full moon right now and Lupin is mysteriously absent- form your own conclusions.
Hermione: Again…I was here the whole time.
Snape: You are so annoyingly right about everything….100 points from Gryffindor!
Umbrella: Don’t I have a warranty?
Dementors: Haha suckers were back!!!
Harry: I’ve always wanted to try skydiving…
Ron: Dude, remember that tree that nearly squashed us to death? Well it has it out for your broom.
Harry: I’m so sick of hearing my mother die! Please teach me to kill the dementors!
Lupin: Whatever gives me another excuse to bust out more chocolate is fine by me!
Fat Lady: Thank god for this hippo or I could have died!…Wait…I’m a painting…I..was...never…alive…
Groovy Dumbledore: Mass murderer escaped in the castle??? What a PERFECT excuse for a slumber party!!!
Snape: Lupin is totally helping Black into the castle.
Groovy Dumbledore: You are such a downer Severus! Lighten up alittle!
Fred/George: It would have been pretty helpful to have this map back around chamber of secret days huh?
Harry: Sure, we could use this map to do good for Hogwarts and save the wizarding world…or we could go to honeydukes and party hardy.
Malfoy: I will now belittle you both by insulting your heritage.
Harry: You suck! And I throw disembodied snowballs at people who suck!
Malfoy: Screw acting superior, I’m outta here!
Harry: Invisibility….you gotta love it…It even allows me to listen in on important conversations where foreshadowing information is divulged.
Rosmerta: So tell me again why the potters are dead?
Fudge: Sirius Sirius Sirius.
Rosmerta: Okay. Got it.
Harry: Raise your hand if you feel betrayed and alone. *Raises hand*
Lupin: This is the most difficult magic EVER. So naturally I’ll expect you to get it pretty quickly.
Harry: Righto!
Lupin: This patronus thing could really take you places in the future…
Hagrid: Buckbeak is getting the knife…
Ron: So did scabbers...
Crookshanks: Don’t look at me foo’…
Map: *Flashing* PETER PETIGREW (FORMALLY PERCIEVED DEAD) IS ALIVE AND THRIVING IN THIS CASTLE UNDER A CLEVER DISGUISE!
Harry: I have the weirdest feeling I should check this out.
Snape: Your map insulted me and now I’m going to subtly hint at your secret! Nice scratches moony!
Lupin: Um…what scratches?...Who’s Moony?...
Harry: That map is totally wacked!
Lupin: The map is never wacked…this is so ominous...I almost can’t take it.
Trelawney: You are so mundane!
Hermione: Thank You! *Storms out*
Trelawney: I have a knack for surprising the hell out of people.
Harry: I’ll say. *backs away*
Hermione: BAM! Welcome to Hogwarts bitch!
Malfoy: I knew I should have taken tykwondo…
Hagrid: I’m so nice and lovable…why does so much shit happen to me?
Harry: seriously…
Hagrid: That reminds me! I found scabbers...
(Future) Harry: WORMTAIL! TRAITOR!!!
(Future) Hermione: Shhhhh!
Ron: WOW! Thanks a bunch!!!
Rock: WEEEE! *Flies through air*
Harry: OWWEEE!
Hermione: Im sooooooo sad! But on the plus side…I get to cry into Ron’s shoulder…ain’t it fun being the only girl?
Ron: Maybe scabbers was better off eaten…
Scary Dog: I’m back and I’m worse then ever!
Harry: Hey it’s my death omen! How’ve you been?
Hermione: This damn tree ruins everything!
Harry: What would a Harry Potter Movie be if I didn’t loose my glasses and have my vision briefly obscured?
Harry: *Clunk*
Hermione: *Clunk* (On top of Harry)
Hermione: Where do you suppose this goes?
Harry/Hermione Shippers: We know exactly where it goes.
Ron/Hermione Shippers: she’s talking about the hallway. DUH!
Harry: The protagonist in me will now lead us to the climax…
Sirius: If I just stopped thinking about that stupid rat and told everyone the truth it would save a lot of upcoming conflict. Too bad I hold grudges eh?
Lupin: I always liked you…honestly…I never thought you were a killer…
Hermione: He’s a werewolf!
Sirius: YA? Well I’m a dog and He’s a rat so lady-frickin-da.
Snape: I’m here to delay the truth and continue to frustrate the audience.
Harry: Not if I can help it…
Pettigrew: Uh...Um...I'm late for a manicure appointment!
Harry: Don’t kill him! I have a feeling he may save my life one day!
Sirius/Lupin: Whatevs…
Sirius: Wana live with me?
Harry: ARE YOU KIDDING? Come live in your smelly apartment and leave the pristinely trimmed lawn of privet drive?! When can I move my stuff in?
Lupin: *Heavy Breathing* *Heart Beating*
Ron: Yeah dude, I suffer from Asthma too, wana borrow my inhaler?
Lupin: *Transform Transform*
Ron: uh…never mind.
Dementor: I still want that soul Deadbeat!
Sirius: I can’t take this trauma, time for me to pass out.
Harry: You had better wake up! No way hozay am I going back to the Dursley’s now that I know I can live in your hell hole.
Dementor: Pucker Up!
People who haven’t read the book: Ah! Oh my gosh Sirius is gona loose his soul to those demented things!
HP fans: Calm down. He dies later…
Patronus: I’m so glad the producers caved on my back-up chorus idea, it makes me seem so much cooler! Take my silvery force field!
Dementor: You know what? I’m not even in the mood for soul…let’s bail.
Harry: *Flashback*- Sirius, Petigrew, Dementors, Patronus….DAD?!?!
Groovy Dumbledore: I don’t know why, but I believe you little moppet heads and I think you should manipulate time and save your godfathers ass. OH- we didn’t have this convo. *Wink Wink*
Ron/Harry: WTF?
Hermione: I-know-something-you-don’t-know…But that’s usually the case, isn’t it?
Hermione: Time blah Travel blah Classes blah can’t blah be blah Seen….blah.
Harry: Got it…not really….
Buckbeak: All I ever wanted was a ferret…and what do I get? An axe the size of Hagrid’s frickin’ pumpkins…someone help my pathetic existence.
Harry: See I knew you were just a softy.
Hermione: Here we come…for some reason I am interested in the appearance of my hair…how out of character of me…
Past Hermione: I thought I just saw myself. Should I investigate?
Past Harry: Not unless you want to destroy our lives, not to mention the entire series of Harry Potter books.
Past Hermione: Oh. Nevermind.
Buckbeak: Bats are the new ferrets.
Harry: I totally saw my dad!
Hermione: Have you been puffing the magic dragon? YOUR DAD IS DEAD.
Harry: Downermumbleknowitallmumble….
Past Sirius: Living this once was bad enough…
Past Harry: You’re telling me…
Harry: Um…Dad?...NOW would be a good time…........shit…
Harry: EXPECTO-SAVE-THE-DAY-PATRONUM!
Hermione/Sirius/Buckbeak: Yay! You’re our Hero Harry!
Harry: So what else is new?
Groovy Dumbledore: Either I'm really good at being mysterious, OR I'm wasted and I really CAN'T remember the entire plan that I just plotted.
Lupin: *Waits till no ones looking* *Tiptoes out front door with suitcase* *Runs For life*
Harry: I like brooms.
Ron: That’s good because Sirius only sent you the fastest awesomest one there is!
Harry: What a bizarre ending...I mean I barely got to ponder that whole "Dark lord returning" thing And there is still that unexplainable Stag-Shaped Patronus...And how in the hell did Lupin and Sirius both know about the map? Oh well...At least my face is blurry again. WHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
